like like like?

kiel: oh, you know.
kie: 508
kio: echoes, on WFUV, courtesy of publicradiofan
ankau leganta: the decline and fall of practically everybody by will cuppy

i realize that my last two posts have been overwhelmingly negatively charged. and according to the makers of the q-ray ionized therapeutic bracelet (only 99.95 with this limited-time offer), an imbalance of negative ions in the body can cause such ailments as depression, shortness of breath, and willingness to buy products sold on television at 5 am.

with this in mind, i vowed that this entry would be positive, uplifting, and mildly amusing. without further ado, we* present:
things i like:

pumpkin seeds: with sarah in baltimore 5 hours away and the occasional trip home to pa thrown in, i drive long distances a lot. and i'm not always very chipper when i do it. eating pumpkin seeds throughout the drive is a perfect way to keep me awake and doing something without the mess of sunflower seeds (you can [comfortably] eat the shells). it so happens that this something is also delicious and a good source of manganese. who knew? the more divalent cations in your diet, the better, i say. i would even go so far as to say that pumpkin seeds are my snack food of choice whenever i can get them.

echoes on npr: echoes is a program usually played on public radio stations around the world between 1 and 6 am. the musical selection is mostly ambient, new agey, weird music. and i love it. actually i just like to sleep to it. while my sense of the spiritual has admittedly waned quite a bit (almost to extinction) over the years, the ethereal tones are just what i need to prepare for the journey to my last bastion of fantasy.

arby's: roast beef. where else can you get a 5 delicious roast beef sandwiches for just 5.95? also, arby's lends its name to an annual half-marathon in denver! you won't see any other fast food place doing that! well, if you don't count chick-fil-a. and you shouldn't. they're not open on sunday. also they are a major donor to "focus on the family", crazy james dobson's right-wing chrisian "advocacy group". while i find their programs unendingly entertaining, their political associations are quite troubling. where was i? oh yes, arby's. curly fries, giant roast beef, and a cheddar cup for dippin'. that's the life right there.

the thing on the gas pump that holds the trigger on: formally called a gratchlock**, this device allows one to fill his tank with delicious petrol without having to squeeze the trigger the whole time. cold outside? no problem! turn on the pump and stick your hands in your nice, warm crotch til your tank's filled. heck, have a smoke while you're at it. a little cigarette never killed anybody. at least not anybody famous.

double takes: looking around, everything's cool, things are normal, WAIT JUST A MINUTE! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! double takes are fun to see and also fun to do. and you need them every once in a while. our brains do fill in a lot of information (blind spots) about the the world around us and we don't always see everything clearly the first time around. maybe if we paid closer attention to things we wouldn't have as many double takes. then again, that wouldn't be any fun, would it?

black coffee: unlike 85% of the populace, i am not addicted to coffee. i only have it once in a while (usually when hung over or on those wild schuylkill county nights at dunkin donuts). but when i do have it, it's gotta be black. it's true what they say: once you go black, you never go back. i used to be an extra cream and extra sugar kind of guy (just look at me), but now it's straight from the pot. i started by cutting down on sugar, then eliminating it all together, but keeping the cream. finally, i skipped the cream and i have rarely gone back since. unless the coffee is really awful. i order coffee at diners all the time and while that "machine cleaned in 1984" taste is somewhat charming for the first few sips, it is sometimes just unbearable. dunkin donuts coffee, on the other hand, is quite good.

flavor crystals: what could be more american than the concept of flavor crystals? "hey fred, this cinnamon gum is pretty good, but what if we took the essence of the flavor, concentrated it and crystallized it with sugar, then sprinkled it on the already-flavored gum?" "why IT WOULD BE A FLAVOR EXPLOSION IN MY MOUTH, THAT'S WHAT! WELL SHIT ON TOAST!" they should sell flavor crystals on other things besides gum. thanksgiving turkey flavor crystals? salmon flavor crystals? asparagus*** flavor crystals? new car smell flavor crystals? the possibilities are limitless.

the schuylkill county accent: you know how a british accent (and by that i mean the rp) can make anyone sound more intelligent? well i don't know what the schuylkill county accent will do for you but frankly it's all i've got. the accent is hard to describe unless you've heard it. it is close to hayna valley english, a dialect meticulously catalogued on wikipedia. almost instantly when i return to schuylkill county i lapse back into coalspeak. my friends have called me on it, and now that i am conscious of it, i rather embrace it. you should hear me. if enny a yous ever come down the county to visit, we'll go up the hosey, have a few and get half a load on.

farting: i think everyone loves to fart. let's be honest. in fact, i just did. this is something that i relish, and unfortunately something that i must often enjoy alone****. i bet that some people become vegetarians just for the dramatically increased fart output. sure they won't say that's why. but next time someone tells you he's a vegetarian, you'll think about it. there's another one. have you ever leaned up against a solid object like a desk and tilted forward for the sole purpose of amplifying your fart? have you ever farted in an elevator by yourself and then walked out as someone else got in? have you ever wanted to fart on someone as punishment*****? farting is usually a delight to 3 senses and under the right circumstances, four. just think of a simple activity that is that awesome that you do (on average) 14 times a day. oh there i just did again. awesome.

now then, this is of course a sampling of all the things i like, cause let's face it, i am easily amused. a decent entry i thought. not my best. worked a little blue around the end there. well, what're ya gonna do?

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* that's in the pluralis majestatis, if you please.
** not really, i made up the word. well what would you call it?
*** after you eat asparagus, do you get asparagus urine smell? apparently it happens to about 50% of the population. if you don't know what i'm talking about, then it's probably never happened to you. personally i think it's pretty neat.
**** this is the only alone thing i will mention in this entry. but i do like that other thing. you know, solitaire.
***** i think there are better ways to make your point, but i'm not above considering this in extreme cases.