news from garland basement

kie: resnet student network technician headquarters
kiel: a bit off
kio: blood is shining: five n dub (groove salad)

the garland basement is an interesting place to be.

i got locked out of the resnet office yesterday (stupid) cause i left my j-card inside (what with the j-card access). trouble is, it was 6:30 and the basement was completely and utterly devoid of all human presence. now it wouldn't have been a big deal had i not left my coat and gloves inside. the past few days have been extremely cold in baltimore. so i mosied around all the accessible areas of the garland basement (there really aren't many) searching for a janitor who would, presumably, have a key to the office.

when you go up any stairway from the basement, the door to the next floor is locked, so outside is really your only choice (sidebar: if you only have one choice, is it really a choice?) is to go outside. also, the women's bathroom has an interesting twist. as you go in, there's a kind of long hallway to the actual bathroom. this hallway has a door on the left. lo and behold, behind that door is ANOTHER bathroom! just one toilet and a sink. it's weird though, there's like some kind of pink doily thing in there. it looks like this is somebody's personal bathroom. hmm, i wonder if she had to give up her dental plan or so many sick days a year or something in her contract to get a personal john. or jane, as it were.

also down here somewhere is a j-card reader thing that you can feed money into. i realised that had i been locked down here unable to escape, i could always feed my big bills into the j-card thing and get all the food i needed from the vending machines. right, except that i DIDN'T HAVE the J-CARD. i felt like i was in a point-and-click strategy rpg (e.g. sam and max, the dig, myst), where you have to look around and find things and use them on other things... you know what i mean.

finally i took the elevator up to the main floor (which was all dark) and heard the faint jingle of keys in the distance. well i didn't want to scare the crap out of this poor janitor by skulking up to her in the darkness and begging for her keys. so, i looked around and went back down in the elevator. not before, however, making it beep for a very long time because i was standing in the doorway.

i meandered around downstairs some more, finally rustling up enough change for some vending machine fare (crunch & munch, if you must know). as i paced up and down the main open area, it came to me that this floor is really in many ways the heart of the school. student employment is down here, so all student payroll goes through this floor. the registrar is here: all grades, schedules, transcripts, insurance, etc. student accounts is here, so massive amounts of money are wired here. j-card services is down here, so basically all meal plan data, and vending machine data, and j-cash information all leads here. the main servers for the school's internet connection are down here (protected by j-card access only doors on each side of the server rooms). it's really pretty amazing. and here i was, the only person on this floor. were i so inclined, i could break into j-card, search for a password (you have to have a password to access the id system [smart move]) that is inevitably written down somewhere, and add all kinds of things to my personal j-card (meal plan, free vending/laundry, all-access everywhere on campus). [sidebar: there exist about 3 or so j-cards that are listed to "vinny vending", and are used to test vending machines without charging j-cash to the account. i have seen it in stories.] then i could lift those flimsy gates to the registrar and run amok. hop over to student accounts and increase my hopkins grant, then find some nice computers in the server room, and walk right out the front door. ever see ocean's eleven? okay so it would be a bit difficult to do that stuff, but man. it would be awesome.

finally i took the elevator back upstairs and a skeptical janitrix (dominator:dominatrix :: janitor: janitrix?) gave me some flak about letting people into places. finally, though, she let me in the office with actually rather little explanation other than "i work here". hmm... perhaps the havoc described above wouldn't be so hard to pull off.

finally, this just in from the garland basement mens' bathroom stall bureau: jhu girls give good head.

ed: i can neither confirm nor deny this fact at the present time. oh and haha janitrix.-9/5/06